Talk Me Down

Pres-elect Obama, so is everyone in your future Administration either Anti-Gay & Gay marriage, or spineless to not say anything, or so insensitive to a group of Americans that worked so hard to get him elected, or just plain evil. They (you) took all our dollars and votes, so now to the underside of the bus we go, you don't need us for 4 years. WRONG !! As Bill Clinton learned we can change things and make your administration useless. Melissa Ethridge reminded Hillary how her husband and administration broke our hearts, he sold us out, DOMA, and that night she still said NO GAY MARRIAGE, as you did, see we get that politcal jobs matter more than our civil rights, but we are kind and forgiving, maybe to a fault, we thought maybe this time it would be different. The old saying "Fool us once shame on you, fool us twice shame on us." That will not happen again. It is insulting that you, Obama invited this anti gay, anti women's rights, anti Muslim, someone who believes only Christians like himself get to heaven to your inauguration, let alone be such an integral part. At least your Pastor Wright for 20 years said some true things, as ignorant as most were, and insensitive to say the least, but now I think I see him under the bus with us. I think loyalty is not your strong suit. I can not sleep because I am so enraged that we bought this B.S. once again, that the whole bunch of you politicians sold to us. At one of the last press conferences, when you took questions, what a coincidence no one brought this issue up, can you say George Bush as far as controlling questions? Then you snidely said your mind is made up, George Bush again, "I know you are just being inclusive". Where are all the "Hopefully soon to be Confirmed future secretaries of blah, blah blah," (Clinton, Richardson, even your opponents who don't have the reward jobs yet, the one's to be appointed to the new transparent Administration? We know who they are, but why hasn't one of them had an opinion on this publically, all of a sudden they have nothing to say, oh right, they want that job, and since they couldn't get the votes they needed, they need the political welfare handout. So when I thought for a short time that Change we can believe in was happening soon; unless a true Christmas Miracle Happens (I know that may not be politically correct) , I guess I was wrong. No Virginia, maybe there is no Santa . When Harvey Milk went against the gay political establishment 30 years ago, they said you have to work with those on the inside, he left them, he said this was a movement, not a political event. Thank You Harvey Milk, a great New Yorker by the way. I am always open to being proven wrong and/or naive, and I actually pray this to happen, I pray to God, as a Gay Christian, by the way Rick Warren you would not let be a member of your Church, I pray Obama, you will wake up, or slip on the Black Ice as I did today and get sense knocked into you. I was actually so upset with this and not paying attention to where I was walking, that I slipped and bruised ribs on black ice. Now I can't sleep, because of the pain and to think it was caused because I was upset by YOU Barry Obama, I trusted you and felt betrayed. Remember we can get you voted out as quick as we put you in, think Ford, Carter, Dinkins in NYC, many more. This was not your brightest moment. Was Hillary right, did all you have was one good speech as a record? Hillary how come you are not the least bit offended? Warren thinks you should have no choice to choose, and stem cells nah, oh well, just another difference. See I didn't want to go there so fast. But President Elect Obama you have offended me personally, I am thinking of having a few good friends over to watch the inaugaration, they love Gays, but they are sort of "KKK mentality when it comes to color", you know what I mean right, and they are my friends, as Warren is yours, you just don't agree on all things, I argued vehemently on your behalf, they just didn't want to vote for you because you were black, I tried to say only half, but they saw Black, and a Muslim (not even true) , like Warren thinks we are gays, who need to mature out of gayness, and we are like Pedophile's and Incest offenders. If I have my friends over I will just be following your example, is that how I do it? We can agree to disagree, you said we need to do that. Oh wait I have integrity President Elect Obama, I would never do that to you, you being (Bi-Racial) or to an African-American in general. See I raise the bar higher than you. Again I pray to be wrong here, I am sure about one thing I know in Politics, I do not know a lot, as a Chair of a Political Action Committee, I know what is right is not what is always done, and nothing is as it seems to be, there is the game, then the game behind the close doors, I thought your doors may be glass, transparent, I guess not. Please prove me wrong. I pray for that. But I will be more active now than ever, and if nothing else, I thank you for that. I had to thank Sarah Palin for getting me riled and motivated, and active, so maybe you and her have a lot in common. Can you see Canada from where you live? Now as my good friend Rachel Maddow says, Talk me Down !!

Caroline Kennedy

Caroline Kennedy? Not so sure yet. She wants to be a United States Senator.Not to be outdone by the other Dem dynasty, Caroline Kennedy managed to seem a believable choice for Hillary Clinton's Senate seat. "I come at this as a mother, as a lawyer, as an author as an education advocate and from a family that really has spent generations in public service," she said. Rehearsed? Seemed so. She said no one could afford to sit out this time in history, and that she would "love to take the skills and the relationships I have to Washington."What are those skills? Not sure. The Daily Beast has a good list of other under-qualified yet successful Senators. They are Bill Bradley (basketball), Ted Kennedy (bootlegger money), James Buckley (trust funder), Bill Frist (doctor), Orrin Hatch (white-shingle lawyer), John Edwards (trial lawyer), Herb Kohl (sports franchise dude), Jon Corzine (Goldman Sachs), Robert Bennett (religion), and Hillary Clinton (first lady).

Join Me and "U.S."

Equal Rights.........I am so afraid that with the terrible economic situation we are facing, more people will become so single issue focused that they will say what I have already heard, "Gay issues and marriage equality is not a priority right now, we have to focus on the economy!" When a person's basic civil rights are being denied, the fight can never be put off. It is true that we face a major crisis economically, that many people have already lost their jobs with more to come. That peoples' lives are being affected in horrible ways, we must support them in any way we can. I am in no way saying ignore their troubles, not brought on by them by the way. Some people think they don't have much to offer or share, any way we or anything we can do for those who are suffering must be done. The gift of love, prayer, sharing and caring is the greatest gift God has given us, and it is time for us to share them all with those in need. I am not saying or implying to ignore those in need, because you see, many of us are those very people who have lost jobs, careers, homes. We are one. So it is not two different groups of people, what affects one should affect all Americans. We can do more than one thing at a time though. Americans have become a society of multi-taskers, many times we are not giving any one thing our full attention, or we give it the minimum attention that is needed. We say proudly that we can do so many things at once. Well since we often boast about being able to do so many things at once, how about we add one more thing; something so simple as writing a post card or calling your local politician, or U.S. Senator, and yes even President-elect Barrack Obama and tell him that we expect him to keep his promise and actively fight to give GLBT's Equal Rights, on ALL levels. He made a point in September to not join McCain and suspend his campaign (a stunt by McCain's campaign that didn't work) and run to Washington DC. He said a President or leader can do more than one thing at a time, and when something was on the table that he needed to be there for he would go, and he did. I think this showed that he had the judgment once again to prioritize and be kept aware of what was going on. He continued doing one task, while keeping an eye on what was happening in DC. He went when it was time. We all know that one man does not run a country, it is a TEAM and an administration, one that WE hire. Well let's make sure that while knowing and understanding that the President-elect has many things to do to start our new beginning, he also has to keep his eye on all the issues and in his sights.
The Civil Rights movement, and the many battles that were won as a result from those fights is one reason that this country was able to come so far as to elect Barrack Obama. Many Americans and people worldwide are showing pride and joy for a job well done; hope reborn, not because of one man, but because one nation, one people, Americans, got it right, that right being putting our past behind us and voting for a man that would not even be able to vote not too long ago, let alone be the President. Many people I know that voted for John McCain appreciated the history that was being made, and felt pride in America. Let's not forget that and continue the fight for Civil Rights, our civil rights, GLBT's. Let's not have the powerful, greedy, and morally bankrupt "CEO's and Institutions" that have put us in this situation in the first place also be the reason that Neil & Rafael do not receive the equal rights that many of their family and friends have, that one word, marriage. You see, nothing would please many Americans (can you say Christian Right Conservatives) more than to have everyone focused on this one issue, while in doing so, have the fight for equal rights for all Americans put on the back burner. I will not be placed on anyones' back burner or a downgraded to a second priority. I am making an impact and I hope some of you will pass this on and join me...
This small piece below is from the website of Join The Impact.com site.
......................WHAT IS THE JOIN THE IMPACT? election night was a bitter-sweet celebration. We came together to witness the first black man who will become our president, yet watched in sadness as Florida, Arizona, Arkansas, and California all voted down equal rights for all citizens.

This is not a one time, four-state issue. It's an issue of equality across America. Stand up and make your voice heard!

Election night was a bitter-sweet celebration. We came together to witness the first black man who will become our president, yet watched in sadness as Florida, Arizona, Arkansas, and California all voted down equal rights for all citizens. This is not a one time, four-state issue. It's an issue of equality across America. Stand up and make your voice heard!

Not Accepting the Unacceptable

Marriage is a Civil Union

I love this whole topic. It really has me sparked/motivated, it is better than what poor old Sarah Palin did for my blog, they are selling her down the river, I never saw so many people defend her this weekend. Oh the world of politics.

This was a Conference, dealing with all issues, given by the Women's Committee. It was handled in a great way.

At this conference I spent time with a woman from NYS PRIDE Agenda, and tried every way I could to see why not just equal rights, with different words, civil union vs marriage, wasn't OK. I was talking to the wrong one, she sat me down with facts, and said remember separate but equal, that was thrown out by the Supreme Court, it had to be equal is equal not separate, or called different things. As far as what people are used to or what comes to mind when the word marriage comes to be spoken is so relevant because it is the people that need to change, not the term. When people thought of black people, they thought "N" word..., slaves, less than, property, not until 1964 was that legally supposed to be changed (the equal rights part), although it is still not accepted all over. etc... Women, they were thought less than, they were by law subservient, owned by the man (husband) at one time property, etc.... So what people think, and their comfort zone regarding terminology is their problem. This woman has me more into this cause, with research about it first, more now than ever. Everything I threw at her she had the answer, she said when people say lifestyle, she reminds them, I did not choose this, it is my orientation, when she talks about her wife, she said at first people looked at her weird, then the second time, they are so-so, then the 3rd time they get used to it. Meanwhile I was even thrown by the term, and she noticed that, but I remembered that a few friends I have, heterosexuals, actually ask how my husband, Rafael is, all the time again, I am the one who is uncomfortable with the term, my homophobia, not theirs. When I mentioned abortion, as is brought to my attention regarding laws when we discuss this issue, and about the church, and how it somehow is all the same, don't even go there because that is a choice, whether you agree or disagree, it is a choice made by a woman, and/or a man, or both, or whoever, but it is a choice. Sexual Orientation is not a choice.

When I told her about my blog, writings, etc....... I told her that I mentioned the "ignorants", regarding some people, I said it was ME who was most ignorant in some areas, ignorant for me to expect people to buy into something I can not even sell to myself. So I want that to come across. Ignorant is not a bad or insulting word, but it does get people's attention, because they feel insulted, I know I did. Arrogant and ignorant are so often put together.

We also discussed the riots/marches depends who you talk to, and how they look at it, the protests happening in California, she said they will get probably get worse, I asked why, since this Proposition or one similar was passed before, she said because they, the religious conservatives, and in fact our government, have actually taken rights away from people this time, where before Gays were fighting for a right, now we, me, Rafael, my friends, all lost rights, as they did in 4 states this election year. Marriage is a civil term, no matter how you look at it, and to settle for less is unacceptable. Let's call all marriages Civil Unions, and then if the heterosexual couples want to go to a church and get married, feel free to go and get blessed by the so called "Godly". If it is going to be civil unions, let all couples have civil unions, that is what married people have now anyway, so let's call it what it is. Friends I have stay legally married only because of the marriage laws and their benefits, because they are still married, one "partner" still gets family plan health insurance, dental, Social Security, etc... why should they have certain rights because they are married, when 2 people in a loving same sex relationship can't have these rights at all, even when they love each other and are together. They can legally still do their taxes together, but me and Rafael can't. If I die, he gets to pay the taxes on his windfall (ha ha), my death, my friends get half of spouse's estate without tax penalties, because they are married, living in different places, being in different relationships, but yes married by law. Lord I can go on and on. I was really not caring about the word part, call it what you will but give me equal rights was all I said, I no longer feel like that, I was taught once again, how ignorant I was on the subject. So unless and until the Federal Govt. gets the law changed to make it right, it won't be right. The idea that a bunch of people in California, one of the most liberal of all states, can get this hate bill, anti human rights bill passed, and at the same time take rights away from people now, scares me, I knew the country was turning backwards in this area, but this is the proof. You know what I think I should do, move, to Ireland, that is what I say whenever frustrated or angry with our Govt. !!!!!!! But like Michael Moore said "The worse thing you can do is leave the country and not fight for your rights, I hate that sheesh. I may have to move to San Fran to join the fight, put flowers in my hair, oh right I have no rights and no hair, can't win today, but NOOOOO, my union wants me to get on the front lines in NYS and make a difference, I want to also. They also pointed out, and this was funny, that a NYS Govt. Report and some newspapers, felt the need to Headline, in these "Financial Times, Gay Rights will not be on the top of the priority list". Maybe they felt the need to headline only the Gay story, someone said, because the uproar that the layoffs and closings that are to come will go unnoticed. So use us now as a distraction, I was speechless.

One action being taken is calling all committed couples "Civil Partners", gay or straight, even those presently called married. Let's see how "they" feel when we say we don't consider your civil loving partnership anything more than that. They aren't used to it, oh well. So I will ask people how is your partner. I was told gay marriage is new and different, so why can't we just accept that and call it something other than marriage, to make "them" happy, Gay people in love is not new and different, it is just love. Marriage is not owned by the Church, if it were why would one need a license from the Govt. in order to get married by the Church. So let's call marriage something different. I am not compromising, and people comparing it to the abortion issue, is actually insulting, that my relationship with a GREAT man, be partnered or compared to abortion in legal issues. When and if the closed minded get used to my calling them Partners, God knows a lot are not civil, but ok Civil Partners, maybe they will see how it feels, and if they get comfortable "Hurray", and if not, oh well get a life, and get used to it. I can't wait to start asking people at work tomorrow how their partner is, I am going to have to work that into the conversation, and then pretend I even care.

It is so funny, I was with Rafael all weekend at the conference, it was great, but we are so different. I get riled with these issues. He just wants peace, I want justice, where is Al Sharpton when you need him? My cousin and I were saying how many people call Rafael my "friend", lots of times not even a name, or when we are sent an invitation or Christmas card it is not Mr & Mr, or Mr Neil & Rafael K. or Rafael & Neil V., it is Neil K & Rafael V, it doesn't get any more simple than that, SEPARATE, we can't even get an address in the post office saying we are a couple in a committed relationship, living together, owning property. In S.T., where we reside Rafael is only an occupant, if we were married he could be put on lease, but he can not be put on lease, he is just an occupant. My poor friend, I mean partner, I mean Occupant, Rafael. As you see I can go on and on. What is Next I will tell you, in a future blog........?????????????????

VOTE

I feel very proud to have been on line with my partner Rafael at 5:50 AM and be number 3 and 4, respectively, in our voting precinct. Myself coming from a family of immigrants and Rafael being an immigrant, who has become a proud citizen of this country. So we may just be only 2 Americans, with 2 votes, but we do not take that right and privilege lightly. We believe that our votes count and make a difference. We felt like 2 little school kids when we left, we had planned on going back to sleep, but like Christmas morning, we were too excited. I may not agree with a lot of my friends or even family members political beliefs, but I love that we can disagree and still be friends and family. God Bless America, and God Bless you and me.....

Only the Beginning !!!

In a few days we will know who will be the next President (hopefully, we will not have to go through that 2000 debacle again). I have realized a few things, that no matter who wins and moves into the White House, Niall has already won. My choice is clear as for whom I support, worked for, and yes, even prayed for, but what is even more important than that is ....
that I have found my Voice, and have started to use it, no matter how scary it is at times, no matter how afraid I get of what people will think of me. It is that very fear that stole my voice for so many years. I am not defined by politics or social or economical issues, I am who I am (should I break out in song now?), because of all of the above, and so much more. Who would have thought that a woman named Sarah Palin would be the tool that was used to unleash my Voice. There are no mistakes in God's world, everything happens for a reason, it is just what we do and how we handle what is put in front of us that matters. So it is taking all I have to think this, to say this, and let alone write this for people to see, but thank you Gov. Palin. The person you are and the things you said, and what you believe, was just what I needed to finally get those words that were stuck inside for a lifetime, out, out of me like a poison. It was like God finally did a "Heimliech maneuver" on Niall and the words, thoughts, feelings, hurts, and most importantly the Victories came out. I didn't know the extent that I was choking. I had always said I would write a book, about life, my life, trying to make sense of it all, "Someone Left the Cake Out in the Rain, don't forget that title" but in my mind, and my heart of hearts I never really believed that it would come to be. I didn't think I had anything worth saying, no story that other people would want to hear or read, or even be interested in. I thought it was a "talent thing", and me being me, I figured I had no talent, not the kind that is needed to tell "MY" story. Who better can tell my story than me? I also know that it is for me that I am telling my story and sharing my Voice, if someone gets something out of it, great, if not, I have used a tool that is God given, my voice and done what I am here to do. Some people sing a song to tell a story, some act or entertain, some teach or choose a profession, and some people, just being who they are, is in itself the blessing or talent that is God given, and if used in the right way, touches the hearts of many. So where does this go, what do I have to say, I will have to practice using Niall's Voice and see where it takes me. I have already learned one thing, well maybe many things, but I am more focused and use my Voice better when in NYC than when I am out in Rockaway. When I am out in Rockaway I get lost in the Ocean, the open skies, the breathing of fresh air and being with friends, my cat Lucky, he loves to sit on my computer chair with me so I get distracted. I think I am too relaxed and at peace to go to the place needed that will touch my heart and get my thoughts, feelings and ideas flowing. So I am making a decision to spend time in this apartment in Manhattan, alone sometimes, to make sure that I never again stifle Niall's Voice. Oh wait, Sarah just came on the news, see, God knows when I need a push. Her very voice, her being so phony, her lying, her giving us that wink and that "we really know attitude", her distortion of words, (and believe me, not that she is the only politician doing that, Republican or Democrat, man or woman, I am in no way naive) but she does it in a tone that touches my heart like no one else has recently. Again, I have to thank God for that, because few people have pushed those buttons so effectively. God knows what he is doing, I am so sure this is about much more than Sarah Palin, politicians have been doing these things forever, in all shapes, sizes and genders, but the tone of her voice is touching my heart, and maybe in a good way. She gets me riled, she does some act and then I react, I turn from her story and what she is saying, and I share my story. Who knows, maybe I have a voice some people may not like, especially when you add a Bronx accent to it, but you know what; it is Niall's Voice, never to be silenced again. Oh well, I sort of feel like a preacher here. Which reminds me, all the talk of Obama being a Muslim, which he is not, BUT WHO SHOULD CARE ANYWAY; well it got me thinking, when I wanted to escape from the Evangelical Christian movement, of which Sarah is part of, the way I did it was education. I have travelled the world and had many positive great experiences with people who are followers of the Islam Religion, one was nicer than the next. They often told me that what we hear and see on TV, and read in the papers is not the real story of Islam, or being a Muslim. So I went and bought The Qur'an. I learned by reading and studying the Bible that homosexuality is not a sin, that just because the Bible states it, slavery is not OK, and women should not sit still and ask the man at home what is right. The words have been changed and translations done in a way to make some things seem as a particular writer, government or Church want things to be seen. Well now the first book I read was the Story of Mary, how gay that is right, go right to the Marys and women of the Religions. So far so good........

Ban Sarah

Republican vice presidential nominee Sarah Palin says she supports a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage, a break with John McCain who has said he believes states should be left to define what marriage is. In an interview with Christian Broadcasting Network, the Alaska governor said she had voted in 1998 for a state amendment banning same sex marriage and hoped to see a federal ban on such unions.

"I have voted along with the vast majority of Alaskans who had the opportunity to vote to amend our Constitution defining marriage as between one man and one woman. I wish on a federal level that's where we would go. I don't support gay marriage," Palin said. She said she believed traditional marriage is the foundation for strong families.

My Friend May just be That One

I feel like I have been tossed around as when in a car accident by the way this long election process has just brought up so many emotions in me. Now it is "That one", which ONE did he mean, exactly? It is like when you know someone said something about you, but you don't exactly know which part of your character they are attacking or assasinating, or pointing out, but an attack it is, your gut tells you so. Was it my race? Was it my sexuality? Was it my weight, my economic status, maybe just that I am so much younger and sharper than you, but it was definitely pointing out that "that one" means different than US, and so many times in today's politics not like US translates into not being U.S., not American

Tolerated?

I previously wrote that God had placed a woman named Carolyn in my path, she was used to help me see truth and to start me on my path out of the abusive relationship I was in with the Assembly of God Churches, being used as a tool to "convert" homosexuals. God also used Sarah Palin to help me finally start to let others hear Niall's Voice. God has definitely used women, as a way of moving me into action, in ways I would nor could ever imagine. As much as I may not agree with Sarah Palin or her beliefs, He uses her again to make me speak out. She once again says that Amercians should not apologize for their actions, this is not the Christ-like behavior Jesus taught. She claims to be a Faith based person, yet when she was in the debate, she was asked a question, which one it does not matter, but she replied she wasn't going to answer the questions the moderator asked, or the one's her opponent asked. Well basically she was saying that she was not going to follow the rules, the rules she knew going into the debate. God, at least the God she proclaims to follow and believe in, says in "Her" Bible, when in Rome, do as the Romans do, basically honor the place you are in, and go by their rules. She didn't. So what does this have to do with anything, because Niall's Voice is about more than politics, or one politican, but I bring it up because we, the American audience had to TOLERATE her disrespect for us and the political process she joined. With all her shucks, yucks, ya'lls, winks (scary if you ask me) and her supposed Hockey Mom, Main Street, Joe Six Pack, baloney, she lied and wanted us to believe her, but we had to Tolerate her for 90 minutes or pretty much turn off the TV. I guess we were to do as she does, she clearly stated that she is all for tolerance. She tolerates gays and lesbians, and their chosen life style. She made that pit bull (no lipstick) in me come out. How dare her, or anyone say they tolerate me. The very definition of tolerance is to allow to be or to be done without prohibition, hindrance, or contradiction; to put up with. I had been told since childhood that I would be tolerated at times, in a good old fashioned Catholic school, I was tolerated, in many family situations I was only tolerated, during my drinking and drugging days I was tolerated (thank you to those who didn't give up on me, and did tolerate my behavior). I was not tolerated many times because I was not "a normal" little boy, I was a "sissy", like a girl, I had feelings that were not normal. I didn't want to get beat up any more than was physically tolerable, so I guess being tolerated became acceptable to me. When a woman who is running for the second highest office in the country states that she tolerates gays and lesbians, and will not even mention bisexuals or transgenders, I will not tolerate that. See once again God placed a woman in my path to get me moving. I was going to use the term, the second leader in the Free World, but that makes it sound like we are the leaders of the world, we may be powerful, but I think our actions have shown that we have lost that "leader position" in so many different areas. I realize that so much of the world is only tolerating us, and our behavior. I was a young boy who lived in a world that being tolerated was mistaken by me for being accepted. I was not accepted and barely tolerated for who I was, for who God made me to be, so sorry Sarah, not who I choose to be. It is so hard to tolerate so many people these days, but when I think that God has a plan, and I accept that, I have to accept ALL of that, and I have to react as God would want me to, not as the Neil who wants revenge would. I placed an Obama/Biden placard-poster in my apartment window, showing my support, another way I was letting people hear Niall's Voice, well 2 days later my next door neighbor put a McCain/Palin placard on their window. Their's had an American flag above it, the insecure me said, see they think "they" are the real Americans, at least they think they are, and in my insecure, coming from the hurt little boy place, this was war, should I break their window, egg their door, can you say drama? I said a prayer and laughed, see this is what is so great about this country, we can show our differences, we can debate, we can have our own beliefs, and we can even tolerate our neighbors no matter how wrong they are (kidding!!). You see, like I said, God has a plan, He used Niall's Voice to give me the courage to even place an opinion out there on the window, or on the blog here, and has taught me that it is OK to be different. Tolerance is not always a bad thing, it is only bad when a person uses it in a statement that means they put up with that part of me that loves a person of the same sex. They obviously look down on me, think I am not normal, an abomination to some extent. Jesus didn't teach tolerance, He taught to love one another as you would love yourself and God. To not judge others, unless you want to be judged, ten times that amount. So I am praying tonight for people who are so ignorant that they would in one sentence claim to be a Christian, then follow it with such a judgmental statement saying they tolerate gays and lesbians. God does not create humans, in His image no less, that another has the right to tolerate, but I will leave that part up to God, and those people to deal with, it is too big for me to handle. See I know He accepts me for who I am, today, for who I was when I was a drunk and an addict, and for who I will be tomorrow, and he loves me unconditionally all the time, just like He loves Sarah Palin unconditionally. God does not tolerate us, he just loves us. He keeps putting people in my path to show me just how much he does love me, I may get riled up first, but then I remember, Look up to Him, look in to myself, and then use Niall's Voice to share his unconditional love.

Speak Out

I just changed Niall's Voice to reflect a new awareness. It was in the Holocaust Museum that my Heart was touched in a ........

The Great Escape

In my previous letter I said God wasn't changing Neil, I was damaged beyond repair. I am glad MY story didn't end there, See; at that point God, the loving all powerful Father stepped in; He had a PLAN, it was not my plan, not the churches plan, but His plan. At this point I realized He had not only heard my cries of despair, seen my tears of sorrow, He knew and felt my heavy heart, in a way I never imagined. While still speaking at these churches, God placed someone in my life. I met Carolyn in the Bible-Belt, Oklahoma Church. Like I said after my Testimony she asked for prayer for her gay son Sean, that he would be delivered, as I was. This changed my journey, God now used me to tell His truth. I did try to just leave the Church, at least that denomination, but this was not made easy, but when God has a plan, it is not always easy either, but it is never wrong and never fails. So I had to believe that God answered my prayer, but that meant taking action. God gives us power, and I could either use it, having Faith in Him, or stay where I was, and die. So I studied Scripture, still being obedient, I was always told the answer to all my problems is in The Bible (maybe they were right.) I prayed, read/studied the Bible, and in doing this, I found out that God created me in the very likeness of His Image, and that God loved me, Neil, so much, He gave His only begotten Son. God made me just the way I was supposed to be. I studied many different versions of the Bible, I read books by Christian scholars finding out that the Bible has been misused to abuse people and gain power for the few. It was in doing all this that I was able to make an educated, personal, spirit-filled decision to leave (escape) the AG's. See, I knew God was on my side and He opens the doors for me to escape that and all abuses. God would neverabandon me or disown me, or you, God does not make junk to thow away. Yet because of the fear of the "Christians" they throw human beings, their own family, away, like junk. When enough people listen to politicians and the Hockey Moms of America, that scares me. You may feel like you have nowhere to go, no voice to speak out, you do, just keep praying, and searching. For today, if Niall's Voice is all you have, just believe that I believe, there is hope. We are waiting too help you, so is God...

The Letter Updated

I was aked some very good questions, like what about Sean, what about those people left behind, did I address to them on how I got out of the close-minded Assembly of God Churches. Well this is what this is all about. It helps me tell more of my story, and maybe, hopefully, help someone who is "stuck" behind.........

A Letter to The Nation

Sarah Palin
When I read about the nomination of Sarah Palin, and then heard her
speech, shivers went down my spine. It awoke something in me, maybe my
own pit bull. I always thought someone else would tell "Their Story."
Someone else will make a difference. Well this is my story. I do not
speak nor pretend to know all of what is known about Sarah Palin or any
of the politicians, but on one area I can speak as expert.
Sarah Palin is not anti gay marriage. She is anti Gay.
She is a member of The Assemblies of God Churches, which I was also a
member. This is one fact that made me look further into her character
and policies and beliefs. These Christians believe in Ex-Gay
Ministries, and that if one would just pray enough they would be saved
and "Delivered" from the sin of homosexuality. I am also 21 years into
my recovery from Alcohol and drugs, I only mention this because when I
went to the AG Church I was accustomed to sharing honestly and being
open about different struggles I experienced. When I mentioned my
sexuality with leaders of the Church I was told "THAT WAS MY PROBLEM”
it was that Sin in my life that caused me ALL my troubles. As I prayed,
went to Homosexual Anonymous Groups, other Ex Gay or sexual deviant
behavior ministries, nothing changed. Then I was told I was already
delivered. I just needed to claim it. I believed this and I became an
instant success story for a gay man turning "Right with God,”
leaving my sinful ways. Being an active AA, I was also used to sharing
my story in front of groups. I was asked to share for groups, then a
Missionary came and said my story needed to be told. I did not realize
that it was being taped and sold as a way to raise money for the
Ministry, and to prayerfully save other homosexuals in New York City
and all over the country. I spoke in large churches all over the
country. Imagine, a New Yorker who could be saved from homosexuality, I
guess the old story if you can make it there (NYC) you can make it
anywhere is true. My testimony brought donations for the Work being
done to stop the Homosexual Agenda. The longer I went on telling this
story, this lie, the more I slid back to the emotional place I was at
when I was still drinking and drugging, that was a place of despair and
being suicidal. I had attempted suicide three times. Now that I knew
that God in fact would send me to Hell because I could not change, no
matter how much I prayed, tithed, had prayer circles around me, and was
told I had been slain in the spirit. God wasn't changing Neil, I was
that damaged, beyond repair I thought, the ultimate failure in my
church. When I met a woman after one of these church services in
Oklahoma, she said please pray for her son Sean, he lived in Texas,
would I pray that he would be delivered, as I was, she thanked me for my
"Honest Testimony.” I cringed. I knew in my Heart of Hearts, that
the pretending had to stop, I couldn't do it anymore. She also wrote
this prayer on the back of a Wal-Mart Card. I still carry this card
today. My heart broke for her, and her son. I still pray for her and
her son, and I think about them often. So please pray for Carolyn and
Sean that they may be freed from the bondage.
I tried to just leave, but this is not made easy. I then studied
Scripture and made an educated, personal, spirit-led decision to leave
(escape) the AG's. I found out the Tapes were still being sold. They
were selling a lie. Then it became the “Poor Neil” who left the
Lord story. I was told that they would pray for me. When I challenged the church
leaders about Biblical truth and homosexuality, I was told that I wasn't
smart enough or spiritual enough to see the read God’s Word and
understand the “TRUTH.” These are the families who disown their
own children. I am the Godfather to a child of one of these families, a
Pastor's child, they knew I was gay when they asked me to be Godfather,
I was a well respected Sunday School teacher, Church leader, and a power
of example because of all the studying of the Word I did. When I
stopped pretending to be ex-gay, I was stripped of all duties, not even
given my God daughter's telephone number when the family moved. I still
work with her father in his secular job, he prays for me every day, he
is praying for my soul. His daughter, my God daughter comes to my job
almost every day, but she is protected from seeing me. These same AG
Church leaders also covered up for a well known Child Sex Predator in
Brooklyn, NY with a huge children’s ministry, he was given the "Well
if you leave the Assembly of God Churches, we will make sure the story
isn't leaked” we know this is not just the AG Churches. I knew his
wife, we were part of a Christian support group together, she and
children were devastated on all levels, and shunned from the Church.
Jimmy Swaggert was a full fledged card-carrying member and leader of a
big AG Church, he also left because he didn’t accept their punishment.
This is the same church that teaches that Catholicism is a cult and that
Catholics are going to Hell, well I was a disgruntled Catholic, so I
guess this fit for me at the time. This is not to change your decision on whom to vote for. It is just my personal story as it relates to the "Christian" woman, Sarah Palin, that
John McCain has picked, which scares me greatly. Hopefully God will
open America’s eyes and let us see the Truth. We have had eight years
of being fed so many lies and being misled into war and killing innocent
people. Governor Sarah Palin is pro-life, whose life, we know not
animals, I can’t figure that out. I cannot imagine a person who
believes and preaches what she does, “Her way or Hell way,” as a
potential leader of this country, of the supposed Free World. She has
made it perfectly clear already, she doesn't care what anyone else
thinks, she is American, and being American means you don't blink, you
don’t need to say you’re sorry, even if it means people may die. I
cherish that I have the freedom to vote and express my personal beliefs,
God Bless America for that. I also have a voice now, and Thank God for
that. I know that our choice in this election affects more than me. It
affects you. It affects America. We are part of the world community,
but we are not the owners or rulers of the world. These are very
powerful people we are electing. When they say, teach, and pass
legislation that states my “lifestyle” as they would call it, is an
abomination, that the very core of whom I am, who I choose to love, am
not worthy of equal rights, people listen. When enough people listen
and believe them, the politicians in power, that scares me, because when
people believe passionately enough, they act. This is the reason for the
Letter to The Nation, because I believe passionately enough that I am
willing to act and put my personal story out there to maybe help one
person, or enlighten just one person.