In my previous letter I said God wasn't changing Neil, I was damaged beyond repair. I am glad MY story didn't end there, See; at that point God, the loving all powerful Father stepped in; He had a PLAN, it was not my plan, not the churches plan, but His plan. At this point I realized He had not only heard my cries of despair, seen my tears of sorrow, He knew and felt my heavy heart, in a way I never imagined. While still speaking at these churches, God placed someone in my life. I met Carolyn in the Bible-Belt, Oklahoma Church. Like I said after my Testimony she asked for prayer for her gay son Sean, that he would be delivered, as I was. This changed my journey, God now used me to tell His truth. I did try to just leave the Church, at least that denomination, but this was not made easy, but when God has a plan, it is not always easy either, but it is never wrong and never fails. So I had to believe that God answered my prayer, but that meant taking action. God gives us power, and I could either use it, having Faith in Him, or stay where I was, and die. So I studied Scripture, still being obedient, I was always told the answer to all my problems is in The Bible (maybe they were right.) I prayed, read/studied the Bible, and in doing this, I found out that God created me in the very likeness of His Image, and that God loved me, Neil, so much, He gave His only begotten Son. God made me just the way I was supposed to be. I studied many different versions of the Bible, I read books by Christian scholars finding out that the Bible has been misused to abuse people and gain power for the few. It was in doing all this that I was able to make an educated, personal, spirit-filled decision to leave (escape) the AG's. See, I knew God was on my side and He opens the doors for me to escape that and all abuses. God would neverabandon me or disown me, or you, God does not make junk to thow away. Yet because of the fear of the "Christians" they throw human beings, their own family, away, like junk. When enough people listen to politicians and the Hockey Moms of America, that scares me. You may feel like you have nowhere to go, no voice to speak out, you do, just keep praying, and searching. For today, if Niall's Voice is all you have, just believe that I believe, there is hope. We are waiting too help you, so is God...
Sarah Palin
When I read about the nomination of Sarah Palin, and then heard her
speech, shivers went down my spine. It awoke something in me, maybe my
own pit bull. I always thought someone else would tell "Their Story."
Someone else will make a difference. Well this is my story. I do not
speak nor pretend to know all of what is known about Sarah Palin or any
of the politicians, but on one area I can speak as expert.
Sarah Palin is not anti gay marriage. She is anti Gay.
She is a member of The Assemblies of God Churches, which I was also a
member. This is one fact that made me look further into her character
and policies and beliefs. These Christians believe in Ex-Gay
Ministries, and that if one would just pray enough they would be saved
and "Delivered" from the sin of homosexuality. I am also 21 years into
my recovery from Alcohol and drugs, I only mention this because when I
went to the AG Church I was accustomed to sharing honestly and being
open about different struggles I experienced. When I mentioned my
sexuality with leaders of the Church I was told "THAT WAS MY PROBLEM”
it was that Sin in my life that caused me ALL my troubles. As I prayed,
went to Homosexual Anonymous Groups, other Ex Gay or sexual deviant
behavior ministries, nothing changed. Then I was told I was already
delivered. I just needed to claim it. I believed this and I became an
instant success story for a gay man turning "Right with God,”
leaving my sinful ways. Being an active AA, I was also used to sharing
my story in front of groups. I was asked to share for groups, then a
Missionary came and said my story needed to be told. I did not realize
that it was being taped and sold as a way to raise money for the
Ministry, and to prayerfully save other homosexuals in New York City
and all over the country. I spoke in large churches all over the
country. Imagine, a New Yorker who could be saved from homosexuality, I
guess the old story if you can make it there (NYC) you can make it
anywhere is true. My testimony brought donations for the Work being
done to stop the Homosexual Agenda. The longer I went on telling this
story, this lie, the more I slid back to the emotional place I was at
when I was still drinking and drugging, that was a place of despair and
being suicidal. I had attempted suicide three times. Now that I knew
that God in fact would send me to Hell because I could not change, no
matter how much I prayed, tithed, had prayer circles around me, and was
told I had been slain in the spirit. God wasn't changing Neil, I was
that damaged, beyond repair I thought, the ultimate failure in my
church. When I met a woman after one of these church services in
Oklahoma, she said please pray for her son Sean, he lived in Texas,
would I pray that he would be delivered, as I was, she thanked me for my
"Honest Testimony.” I cringed. I knew in my Heart of Hearts, that
the pretending had to stop, I couldn't do it anymore. She also wrote
this prayer on the back of a Wal-Mart Card. I still carry this card
today. My heart broke for her, and her son. I still pray for her and
her son, and I think about them often. So please pray for Carolyn and
Sean that they may be freed from the bondage.
I tried to just leave, but this is not made easy. I then studied
Scripture and made an educated, personal, spirit-led decision to leave
(escape) the AG's. I found out the Tapes were still being sold. They
were selling a lie. Then it became the “Poor Neil” who left the
Lord story. I was told that they would pray for me. When I challenged the church
leaders about Biblical truth and homosexuality, I was told that I wasn't
smart enough or spiritual enough to see the read God’s Word and
understand the “TRUTH.” These are the families who disown their
own children. I am the Godfather to a child of one of these families, a
Pastor's child, they knew I was gay when they asked me to be Godfather,
I was a well respected Sunday School teacher, Church leader, and a power
of example because of all the studying of the Word I did. When I
stopped pretending to be ex-gay, I was stripped of all duties, not even
given my God daughter's telephone number when the family moved. I still
work with her father in his secular job, he prays for me every day, he
is praying for my soul. His daughter, my God daughter comes to my job
almost every day, but she is protected from seeing me. These same AG
Church leaders also covered up for a well known Child Sex Predator in
Brooklyn, NY with a huge children’s ministry, he was given the "Well
if you leave the Assembly of God Churches, we will make sure the story
isn't leaked” we know this is not just the AG Churches. I knew his
wife, we were part of a Christian support group together, she and
children were devastated on all levels, and shunned from the Church.
Jimmy Swaggert was a full fledged card-carrying member and leader of a
big AG Church, he also left because he didn’t accept their punishment.
This is the same church that teaches that Catholicism is a cult and that
Catholics are going to Hell, well I was a disgruntled Catholic, so I
guess this fit for me at the time. This is not to change your decision on whom to vote for. It is just my personal story as it relates to the "Christian" woman, Sarah Palin, that
John McCain has picked, which scares me greatly. Hopefully God will
open America’s eyes and let us see the Truth. We have had eight years
of being fed so many lies and being misled into war and killing innocent
people. Governor Sarah Palin is pro-life, whose life, we know not
animals, I can’t figure that out. I cannot imagine a person who
believes and preaches what she does, “Her way or Hell way,” as a
potential leader of this country, of the supposed Free World. She has
made it perfectly clear already, she doesn't care what anyone else
thinks, she is American, and being American means you don't blink, you
don’t need to say you’re sorry, even if it means people may die. I
cherish that I have the freedom to vote and express my personal beliefs,
God Bless America for that. I also have a voice now, and Thank God for
that. I know that our choice in this election affects more than me. It
affects you. It affects America. We are part of the world community,
but we are not the owners or rulers of the world. These are very
powerful people we are electing. When they say, teach, and pass
legislation that states my “lifestyle” as they would call it, is an
abomination, that the very core of whom I am, who I choose to love, am
not worthy of equal rights, people listen. When enough people listen
and believe them, the politicians in power, that scares me, because when
people believe passionately enough, they act. This is the reason for the
Letter to The Nation, because I believe passionately enough that I am
willing to act and put my personal story out there to maybe help one
person, or enlighten just one person.
