Thursday, October 30, 2008
that I have found my Voice, and have started to use it, no matter how scary it is at times, no matter how afraid I get of what people will think of me. It is that very fear that stole my voice for so many years. I am not defined by politics or social or economical issues, I am who I am (should I break out in song now?), because of all of the above, and so much more. Who would have thought that a woman named Sarah Palin would be the tool that was used to unleash my Voice. There are no mistakes in God's world, everything happens for a reason, it is just what we do and how we handle what is put in front of us that matters. So it is taking all I have to think this, to say this, and let alone write this for people to see, but thank you Gov. Palin. The person you are and the things you said, and what you believe, was just what I needed to finally get those words that were stuck inside for a lifetime, out, out of me like a poison. It was like God finally did a "Heimliech maneuver" on Niall and the words, thoughts, feelings, hurts, and most importantly the Victories came out. I didn't know the extent that I was choking. I had always said I would write a book, about life, my life, trying to make sense of it all, "Someone Left the Cake Out in the Rain, don't forget that title" but in my mind, and my heart of hearts I never really believed that it would come to be. I didn't think I had anything worth saying, no story that other people would want to hear or read, or even be interested in. I thought it was a "talent thing", and me being me, I figured I had no talent, not the kind that is needed to tell "MY" story. Who better can tell my story than me? I also know that it is for me that I am telling my story and sharing my Voice, if someone gets something out of it, great, if not, I have used a tool that is God given, my voice and done what I am here to do. Some people sing a song to tell a story, some act or entertain, some teach or choose a profession, and some people, just being who they are, is in itself the blessing or talent that is God given, and if used in the right way, touches the hearts of many. So where does this go, what do I have to say, I will have to practice using Niall's Voice and see where it takes me. I have already learned one thing, well maybe many things, but I am more focused and use my Voice better when in NYC than when I am out in Rockaway. When I am out in Rockaway I get lost in the Ocean, the open skies, the breathing of fresh air and being with friends, my cat Lucky, he loves to sit on my computer chair with me so I get distracted. I think I am too relaxed and at peace to go to the place needed that will touch my heart and get my thoughts, feelings and ideas flowing. So I am making a decision to spend time in this apartment in Manhattan, alone sometimes, to make sure that I never again stifle Niall's Voice. Oh wait, Sarah just came on the news, see, God knows when I need a push. Her very voice, her being so phony, her lying, her giving us that wink and that "we really know attitude", her distortion of words, (and believe me, not that she is the only politician doing that, Republican or Democrat, man or woman, I am in no way naive) but she does it in a tone that touches my heart like no one else has recently. Again, I have to thank God for that, because few people have pushed those buttons so effectively. God knows what he is doing, I am so sure this is about much more than Sarah Palin, politicians have been doing these things forever, in all shapes, sizes and genders, but the tone of her voice is touching my heart, and maybe in a good way. She gets me riled, she does some act and then I react, I turn from her story and what she is saying, and I share my story. Who knows, maybe I have a voice some people may not like, especially when you add a Bronx accent to it, but you know what; it is Niall's Voice, never to be silenced again. Oh well, I sort of feel like a preacher here. Which reminds me, all the talk of Obama being a Muslim, which he is not, BUT WHO SHOULD CARE ANYWAY; well it got me thinking, when I wanted to escape from the Evangelical Christian movement, of which Sarah is part of, the way I did it was education. I have travelled the world and had many positive great experiences with people who are followers of the Islam Religion, one was nicer than the next. They often told me that what we hear and see on TV, and read in the papers is not the real story of Islam, or being a Muslim. So I went and bought The Qur'an. I learned by reading and studying the Bible that homosexuality is not a sin, that just because the Bible states it, slavery is not OK, and women should not sit still and ask the man at home what is right. The words have been changed and translations done in a way to make some things seem as a particular writer, government or Church want things to be seen. Well now the first book I read was the Story of Mary, how gay that is right, go right to the Marys and women of the Religions. So far so good........
Monday, October 20, 2008
"I have voted along with the vast majority of Alaskans who had the opportunity to vote to amend our Constitution defining marriage as between one man and one woman. I wish on a federal level that's where we would go. I don't support gay marriage," Palin said. She said she believed traditional marriage is the foundation for strong families.